tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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