I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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