i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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