sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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