Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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