trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
