"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
