Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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