he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
