Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
