at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
