I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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