i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
