craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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