The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
