I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
