I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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