I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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