I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
