I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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