Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
