I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
