I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
