Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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