Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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