Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize