she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
