can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
