the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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