the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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