i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
