I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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