Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
