So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
