could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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