dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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