Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
