the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
