For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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