I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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