Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
