dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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