I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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