So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize