she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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