my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just want nice things and good sex
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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