I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
