On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
