I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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