Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
