There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
