we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
organizing the empties. That sober.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
