btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
