It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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