someone threw a dead crab at me
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize