I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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