That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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