Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
