ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
