One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
