Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
