And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
