I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
