can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
